Home-Assistant-Configs/custom_templates/speech.jinja

{% macro greeting(date) %}
{% if now().strftime('%H')|int < 12 %}
  {{ [
    "Good morning. ",
    "Top of the morning to you laddy. ",
  ] | random }}
{% elif now().strftime('%H')|int >= 12 and now().strftime('%H')|int < 17 %}
  {{ [
    "Greetings earthling. ",
    "Good afternoon. ",
    "How do you do, fellow kids? ",
    "Howdy partner. ",
    "Greetings, human overlords. ",
  ] | random }}
{% else %}
  {{ [
    "Good evening. ",
    "The grandest of evenings to you. "
  ] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.morning','on') and date == 'date' %}
  Today's date is {{ as_timestamp(now()) | timestamp_custom('%B %d %Y') }}.
{% endif %}
It is {{ now().strftime("%I:%M %p") }}.
{% endmacro %}

{% macro today_is() %}
{{ [
    'Today is ',
    'If you have not been keeping track today is ',
    'Do you know what day of the week it is? Today is',
    'I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but today is ',
    'In case you do not own a calendar, today is ',
    'If you have forgotten the order in which the week progresses, today is ',
    'Because we all forget sometimes, today is ',
    'What day is today? Oh, right, it is '
]|random }}
{{ states('sensor.today_is') }}.
{% endmacro %}

{% macro dadjoke() %}
{{ [
"Here is a random dad joke ",
"In case you hadn't had enough idiotic humor today, here is a little more ",
"The best jokes are the dumb ones like this one ",
"And now for todays episode of humor for morons ",
"We are all dead inside, so here is another idiotic joke ",
] | random }}<break time="1s"/> {{ states('sensor.random_joke') }}
{% endmacro %}

{% macro inspirational_quote() %}
{{ [
"Life is about making an impact, make it a positive one. ",
"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. ",
"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. ",
"I attribute my overall success to never giving or taking an excuse. ",
"You miss one hundred percent of the shots you dont take. ",
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. ",
"The only difference between who you are and who you want to be, is what you do. ",
"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. ",
"Defining thepurpose is the starting point of all achievement. ",
"Life is not about getting and having, it's about giving and being. ",
"We become what we think about. ",
"Be the change that you wish to see in the world. ",
"A wise man changes his mind but a fool never will. ",
"Change is inevitable.  Growth is optional. ",
"dont worry, be happy. ",
"There are far better things ahead of us than behind us. ",
"If you want to go fast, go alone but if you want to go far, go with others. ",
"The key to success is to focus on goals not obstacles. ",
"Sometimes we are tested not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths. ",
"Do something today that your future self will thank you for. ",
"Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it. ",
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they do not have any. ",
"The mind is everything. What you think, you will become.  ",
"Always try to Live your best life. ",
"When nothing goes right, go left. ",
"The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now. ",
"An unexamined life is not worth living. ",
"Eighty percent of success is showing up. ",
"Do not stop when you are tired, stop when you are done. ",
"Luck is being prepared and ready for the opportunities when they come. ",
"Do not wait for opportunity.  Create it.",
"action is the foundation of success. ",
"All progress takes place outside the comfort zone. ",
"You can make mistakes but you should never quit. ",
"Do not let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning. ",
"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. ",
"when you feel like quitting, remember why you started. ",
"The harder you work, the more luck people will think you have. ",
"The harder you work for something, the greater you will feel when you achieve it. ",
"Your time is limited, so do not waste it living someone elses life. ",
"Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is. ",
"I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. ",
"You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ",
"Either you run the day, or the day runs you. ",
"Whether you think you can or you think you cannot, you will be right. ",
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ",
"Never ruin a good day by thinking about a bad yesterday. ",
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. ",
"The best revenge is massive success. ",
"The universe cant put good into your hands unless you let go of the bad.",
"People often say that motivation does not last. Well, neither does bathing. That is why we recommend it daily. ",
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage. ",
"If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. ",
"Do not raise your voice, instead improve your argument. ",
"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. ",
"Ask and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you. ",
"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. ",
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ",
"Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. ",
"Believe you can and you are halfway there. ",
"Good things take time. ",
"If you cant beat the Fear... just do it scared! ",
"There is no place like home. ",
"Life can be tough but so are you. ",
"Everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of fear. ",
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. ",
"Fall seven times and stand up eight. ",
"Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see. ",
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. ",
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ",
"in any given moment, we can choose to move forward and grow or retreat.",
"Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions. ",
"If you are offered a seat on a rocket ship, do not ask what seat! Just get on. ",
"If the wind will not move you forward, take to the oars. ",
"If you can dream it, you can do it. ",
"You can not fall if you do not climb. But theres no joy in living your whole life on the ground. ",
"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. ",
"Live your dreams or live your fears.  You can only choose one… ",
"Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. ",
"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. ",
"Be nice to others and nice things will happen to you.",
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.  Be ready to pivot and adapt to the situation. ",
"You are the Artist of your OWN life.  Dont hand the paint brush to anyone else. ",
"Try to be a rainbow for someone elses cloud. ",
"It is nice to be important, but more important to be nice.",
"You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.",
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you havent found it yet, keep looking. Dont settle.",
"Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.",
"Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.",
"Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with good people.",
"What we fear doing most is usually what we need to do most.",
"Be the energy you want to attract."
] | random }}
{% endmacro %}

{% macro kallenSleepMsg() %}
{% set schedMode = states('input_select.scheduled_climate_mode_kallen_bedroom') %}
{% if schedMode == 'White Noise' %}
{{ [
    "No fan in Collin's room tonight. Too cold outside. Brr. Enjoy your white noise.",
    "It is a little too cold for a fan tonight. I will play white noise for Collin",
    "Collin will not need any help staying cool tonight. I will play white noise instead.",
    "My sources are telling me that it is not fan weather tonight. White noise it is."
] | random }} Goodnight!
{% elif schedMode == 'Fan' %}
{{ [
    "Collin's fan is now on. Stay cool!",
    "It is rather warm outside, so I am turning on Collin's fan.",
    "To prevent an ocean of sweat from drowning us all, I have enabled Collin's fan.",
    "My sensors indicate that for optimal comfort, a cooling device is needed for Collin tonight.",
    "I am a fan of Collin. So I have turned on a fan for Collin."
] | random }} Goodnight!
{% else %}
{{ [
    "Lights are now on in Collin's bedroom.",
    "Collin, your bedroom lights are now on."
] | random }} Goodnight!
{% endif %}
{% endmacro %}

{% macro sun_status() %}
{% if is_state('sun.sun','below_horizon') %}
  You have
  {% set seconds = as_timestamp(states.sun.sun.attributes.next_rising)-now().timestamp() %}
  {% set hours = seconds / 60 %}
  {% if seconds / ( 60 * 60 ) > 1 %}
    {{ (seconds // ( 60 * 60 )) | int }} hours
  {% else %}
    {{ (seconds // 60) | int }} minutes
  {% endif %}
  {{ [
  'until the sun rises.',
  'until the sun is up',
  'before the sun officially rises.'
  ] | random }}
{% else %}
  You have
  {% set seconds = as_timestamp(states.sun.sun.attributes.next_setting)-now().timestamp() %}
  {% set hours = seconds / 60 %}
  {% if seconds / ( 60 * 60 ) > 1 %}
    {{ (seconds //  ( 60 * 60 )) | int }} hours
  {% else %}
    {{ (seconds // 60) | int }} minutes
  {% endif %}
  {{ [
    'until the sun sets for the day.',
    'until the sun slips below the horizon.',
    'before the sun officially sets. '
  ]|random }}
{% endif %}
{% endmacro %}