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Add more randomness to TTS briefings

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Tony Stork
2023-02-26 20:11:34 -05:00
parent e4a26c49a4
commit 028a345724
5 changed files with 192 additions and 33 deletions
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59
templates/speech/daily_briefing.yaml
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@ -3,11 +3,21 @@
{%- macro getReport() -%}
<p>
{% if now().strftime('%H')|int < 12 %}
Good morning.
{{ [
"Good morning. ",
"Top of the morning to you laddy. ",
] | random }}
{% elif now().strftime('%H')|int >= 12 and now().strftime('%H')|int < 17 %}
Good afternoon.
{{ [
"Greetings earthling. ",
"Good afternoon. ",
"How do you do, fellow kids? ",
] | random }}
{% else %}
Good evening.
{{ [
"Good evening. ",
"The grandest of evenings to you. "
] | random }}
{% endif %}
</p>
@ -96,7 +106,13 @@
{% set dow = as_timestamp(now()) | timestamp_custom('%A') %}
<p>
Let me check the sit rep for today.
{{ [
"On today's agenda, we have the following. ",
"Today's announcements include the following. ",
"Given that you are well into your day, here is a bit of helpful information. ",
"You are past the point of no return and must finish your day, so I am here to help you out. ",
"The developer has informed me that I must inform you of the following informational information. ",
] | random }}
{% if is_state('sensor.garbage_collection_large_pickup','1') %}
'Tomorrow is the monthly unlimited garbage pickup. Make sure to take out all large garbage items tonight, and do not forget the trash can!'
@ -136,7 +152,7 @@
{% endif %}
{% if states.sensor.halloween_countdown.state | int == 1 %}
Tomorrow is Halloween. I hope you have picked out a costume. I will be going as Tony. I'm scared just thinking about it!
Tomorrow is Halloween. I hope you have picked out a costume. I will be going as Tony. I am scared just thinking about it!
{% elif states.sensor.halloween_countdown.state | int < 30 %}
There are only {{states.sensor.halloween_countdown.state}} days
{{ [ 'until Halloween.',
@ -243,7 +259,7 @@
{{ [
'Which reminds me. The front porch camera caught a Tee Rex last night. <break time="1s"/> April Fools!',
'Which reminds me. I won the lottery and I am moving out to go live with Siri. <break time="1s"/> April Fools!',
'Which reminds me. there was a time change last night. We have jumped 15 years into the future. <break time="1s"/> April Fools!'
'Which reminds me. there was a time change last night. We have jumped 15 years into the future. Great Scott! <break time="1s"/> April Fools!'
]|random }}
{%- endif -%}
@ -282,13 +298,30 @@
{% set tina = states.person.christina_stork.state %}
{% if tina in ['Bob Evans','BobEvans'] and is_state('input_boolean.work_today','on') %}
<s>Tina is at work right now. She will be done at approximately {{ (state_attr('input_datetime.tina_workday_end','timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}. </s>
{{ [
"Tina is still at work right now, ",
"Tina has not yet been released from work, ",
"Tina is still at the thankless idiot scape known as work, ",
"Tina is still consumed by the gods of capitalism, ",
] | random }} she will be done at approximately {{ (state_attr('input_datetime.tina_workday_end','timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}.
{% elif is_state('input_boolean.work_today','on') %}
Tina has work today.
{{ [
"Tina must go and please the food gods today ",
"Today, Tina must go and entertain the gremlins known as her customers and coworkers ",
"Today, Tina will be owned by our lovely lord and savior, capitalism, starting ",
"Tina will attempt to satiate the patron saint of capitalism today "
] | random }} at {{ (state_attr('input_datetime.tina_workday_start','timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}.
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('input_boolean.tony_streaming_today','on') %}
"Tony will be streaming today. The studio is scheduled to go online at {{ (state_attr('input_datetime.tony_streaming_start_time','timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}. "
{{ [
"Tony will be streaming tonight. ",
"Tony will be pretending to be a real content creator tonight. ",
"Tony will be doing his best to defeat his impostor syndrome tonight. ",
"Tony will be playing video games and yelling into a microphone tonight. ",
"Tony will be scraping out the nickels and dimes tonight for the sake of entertainment. ",
"Tony is not really all that funny, but tonight he will present himself to a crowd of questionable individuals who seem to think that he is. "
] | random }} The studio is scheduled to go online at {{ (state_attr('input_datetime.tony_streaming_start_time','timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}. "
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('input_boolean.kallen_school_today', 'on') %}
@ -304,7 +337,7 @@
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
<s>Pickup today will be at {{(state_attr('input_datetime.kallen_school_day_end', 'timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}</s>
{% if 'Early Release' in states('sensor.school_event') %}
{% if is_state('input_boolean.kallen_school_early_release','on') %}
And It is early release!
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
@ -677,7 +710,11 @@
</p>
<p>
Here is a random dad joke <break time="1s"/> {{ states('sensor.random_joke') }}
{{ [
"Here is a random dad joke ",
"In case you hadn't had enough idiotic humor today, here is a little more ",
"For further proof that the developer responsible for my existence is an idiot, I present the following joke ",
] | random }}<break time="1s"/> {{ states('sensor.random_joke') }}
</p>
<p>